Silly little Slytherin
by TheGentleOne
Summary: Draco is a silly little Slytherin in Severus' eyes... Crackfic! OOC Snape! HPDM


**Prompts: Aluminum foil, Draco and Harry making out in front of Snape and a gyro phobic Draco.**

~0~

Severus Snape was a very busy, very accomplished Potions Master. He had an Order of Merlin, survived a war, survived being a spy, and was about to die from an overdose of irritation. Should anyone accuse him of stalking – no, _coincidentally _passing by a particular student, he would sneer his fearsome sneer and deny it wholeheartedly. Because he wasn't doing it. Nope. And if – IF – he was coincidentally passing by that student, it was all his godson's fault. His lip started to curl, until he remembered he was supposed to like his godson a lot. It wasn't entirely his fault anyway, he reminded himself as he admired the way his wrist flicked elegantly in the air to cast the nonverbal spell to make himself invisible and carefully dripped a drop of masking potion on his polished shoes to mask the sounds of his shoes. He slipped out of the alcove and followed – er, passed by the student surreptitiously. He smirked to himself and made a mental note to treat himself to a glass of Oguden's finest Firewhiskey for his brilliantness and Potter's predictable behavior.

Foolish, pathetically Gryffindor Potter halted at the bottom of the stairs that led to the Hospital Wing, biting his lip nervously - and guiltily. Snape made use of that moment to draw out his wand and flick it in the air sophisticatedly. In a few moments (Snape was admiring his shiny, beautiful nails), foolish Potter was bound up in aluminum foil and gagged with aluminum foil. Snape frowned and gazed at his wand. He ought to change his wand soon, it was messing up his life. Ropes were supposed to bind Potter, not aluminum foil. Maybe it was the spell's fault, not his wand. He frowned again. It couldn't be the way he had flicked his wand, could it? No! his wand movements were perfect; he had spent countless of hours watching himself in the mirror. So it was his wand's fault. He fought the urge to stick his tongue out at the wand (it wasn't sophisticated) and settled for another frown which he hurriedly soothed out. Frowns result in wrinkles. He settled for a purse of his lips.

A crackle distracted him from his brilliant thinking and he glared at Potter. The stupid Gryffindor had one had out of his bindings. He scowled and immediately pursed his lips instead. He flicked his faulty wand and the imbecile was once again bound and re-gagged. Snape swished his wand and Potter collapsed, he twirled his wand and Potter begun to float in the air. Snape hummed under his breath while admiring his nails. He made a mental note to soak them in his personalized nail solution for an hour once he was done with Potter. The said boy stirred when they neared the dungeons and Snape oh-so-accidentally knocked his head onto one of the walls. The dungeon walls really needed scrubbing, he noted, and with a sadistic grin, began to scrub it with Potter's shaggy mop of hair. In fact, that was probably the main use for Potter's un cared for hair.

_He longed to push his fingers through Harry's wonderfully thick hair and draw Harry's lips down to his…_

Severus looked around cautiously ( it would not do his reputation any good if anyone saw him ) before letting out a snarl. The curse! The stupid, idiotic curse! He quickened his steps and avoided looking at the imbecile floating on his left. If he looked at the ungrateful brat, Draco would think of sexual thought about him and Snape would be hearing his thoughts. Why couldn't he bump into a nice, sweet, docile Seventh Year Slytherin girl; at least Snape would not have to listen to Draco's unwilling, perverted thoughts about the idiot Gryffindor.

Sure Draco was gyro phobic, but that didn't mean he couldn't settle down with a nice pure blooded lady.

_He tore his wife's cupboard apart, casting _incendio _on every article of clothing and their bed. He tossed in his wedding ring for good measure and thought of pleasant thoughts; thoughts of nuzzling Harry's neck and kissing down…_

Snape cursed loudly and vehemently, forgetting about his image for once. He broke into a run, but not before he had cast an anti-perspiring spell and a gel spell on his hair. He must have glanced at Potter and the curse had activated. He kept his head down, avoiding Potter's unconscious body. He definitely did not want Draco to think of kissing Potter or touching Potter.

_He moaned as Harry kissed his earlobe and shivered with delight at the sight of Harry's love shining in his emerald eyes…_

Snape sped up, narrowly missing hitting his head on the dungeon walls. Apparently, the curse would not activate when Sanpe thought of Po-the boy. He made sure that the boy's head banged occasionally on the filthy walls. He needed to-

_His moan ended with a gasp as Harry shoved him against the wall and pin his arms. He struggled to remain angry at Harry for making his hair and robe dirty from the filth on the wall as Harry bit down on his collarbone. He promptly forgot about his robes and fear._

Snape kicked the door to the Potions classroom open and hurried into his private quarters. His godson leapt from the bed, his face radiating happiness – for his godfather because he had saved him from thinking sexual thoughts of that bloody Potter - and he launched himself at Potter, who was free from his bonds _and _the filth from his hair. The aluminum foil beneath Draco's feet crackled as he stood on his tippy toes and kissed Potter. Snape moved forward with anger but stopped when an explanation for their behaviors struck him. His poor godson was still under the curse, and once it was lifted, he would be back to his old hating-Potter self and Snape's world would be right once more.

"Potter!" he barked, averting his eyes discreetly as the two jumped guiltily. He did not want to see his godson's swollen lips or tousled hair. He cleared his throat and stared at a point above Potter's head. "Life the curse from Draco now and let us return to our peaceful lives."

Potter and Draco stared at him and Snape took pity on them. Poor, innocent Draco was still under the curse and could not remember the fact that he hated Potter. He would need many Calming Draughts on hand when the curse was lifted. As for Potter…well, Potter was Potter and he was the one who had cast the curse on his grandson.

"Lift the curse that made Draco gyro phobic and have…sexual desires for the first person I see," he said slowly, watching Potter's eyes crinkle at the corners with irritation. Potter dared to slip an arm round Draco's waist in front of his godfather and he said, voice shaking with regret, he'd imagine, "The…curse cannot be lifted until midnight." So there was one more hour til midnight. Snape's spirits lifted and he felt generous at the thought of having his godson back to his normal hating-Potter self in an hour. "Alright, then. Spend the last remaining hour with Draco but no sexual activities. Draco would be _livid _when the curse lifts and realizes he had…intercourse with you. Besides, Malfoys don't bottom. I shall prepare the Calming Draughts." He glared at Potter and was satisfied when he bit his lip in fear. He nodded smartly at them and turned to his cauldrons with a swish of his robes.

He busied himself with lighting the fire for his cauldron, ears pricked for any suspicious sounds behind him. His hands stilled briefly when there was a rustle and he had to stop himself from turning around.

"How long is he going to take to realize that we've been together for a year now and the curse is just another fabrication?" Draco whispered. Severus swallowed a chuckle, the curse must be very strong for Draco to think that Potter and he were dating. He swallowed another snort. Draco did not fancy Potter – it was the curse.

"I have no idea. We've tried everything – curses, potions, spells and even George's – " But whatever it was, Snape never got to hear, because Severus realized the truth behind this ridiculous situation.

It really was obvious, Severus thought with an eye roll. Draco must have forgotten the most Slytherin value: subtleness. He sighed and turned the burner off. With another swish of his robes, he faced his godson, pointedly avoiding the sight of Draco's swollen bottom lip.

"You could have told me about your…preferences, Draco, instead of trying to hint it to me." Wait. That sounded wrong. "What I meant was that I thought your trusted me enough to tell me about your change of…sexuality." He considered pouting but decided against it as it would only make him look like he was gay. Which he was not.

"I… I thought - but you…" Draco gaped at him, and Severus smirked. "Shut your mouth, Draco. It is unbefitting of a Malfoy." Potter closed Draco's mouth with a finger, his eyes filled with fear.

"I also happen to know who you're having a crush on too," Severus swallowed a giggle as Draco's mouth fell open once more. It really _was _ obvious; how could Draco think that he would not notice it? He was Severus' (acclaimed Potions Master and professional spy) godson after all, and Severus knew him inside out.

He heaved a big, gusty sigh and paused for a dramatic effect. "You're in love with…" He watched – with pleasure - as Potter bit his lip with worry and Draco with excitement. "Blaise Zabini," he declared with a big grin, smug with the shocked faces of his one and only godson and the detestable Potter.

"I do not mind your crush on Mr. Zabini, Draco. In fact, I'm sure that your mother would approve of your choice. Unlike Potter here, Mr. Zabini is rich, has a good heritage and – " Potter ran out of the room, a hand clamped over his mouth, eyes streaming with heartbroken tears. He smiled grimly at Potter's shuddering back and said, "Poor, unfortunate Potter. Welcome back to the real world, Draco. How do you feel? Is the curse gone?"

Draco looked at him with wide, shiny eyes – wide with shock and shiny with tears of gratitude (after all, Draco need not keep his crush on Mr. Zabini a secret after telling his Head of House) and stuttered, "The…the curse…is gone, godfather. I feel fine."

Severus smiled brightly at him and offered his two vials of Calming Draught. "If you tell Mr. Zabini about your crush on him and of the curse Potter had placed on you, I'm sure that he would accept your with no qualms," he consoled.

Draco stared at him with gratitude in his eyes and mumbled a thanks, biting his lips and bolted for the door. Silly little Slytherin, Severus thought fondly, watching his godson's shoulders shudder with tears of relief and gratitude as he disappeared from the classroom.

Silly little Slytherin, he thought with a smile as he began to clean the cauldrons with a flick of his wand, after hearing Draco's beautiful laughter burst out from the corridors. He must be feeling so relieved at the thought of being able to act on his crush without having to hide it from his godfather. He thought he heard Potter's uncouth laughter as well, but dismissed it. Why would Potter laugh after his heart was broken by the Prince of Slytherin? Stupid Potter.

Draco was a silly little Slytherin, silly for love.

_Fin._

**A/N: Whoever review is a silly little Slytherin!**


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